If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
