Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
