A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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