What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
