Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize