wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
