nut hugger
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
