...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
