Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
