Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can I color on your dick again?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
