my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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