So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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