thus making me awesome and them whores
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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