I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
