i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
