Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
