So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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