I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
