You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
