I smell stomach acid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Life is so much better after having sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
