p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
