you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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