He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
