I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
