Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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