I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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