so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
