dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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