Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
