Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
