Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
