woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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