I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I bet he comes in French.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
