you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
