I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
