you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
