he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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