ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
