I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
