i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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