i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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