none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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