her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
