Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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