he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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