mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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