I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
