I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
