Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
