Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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