She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize