Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
