I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
