Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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