I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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