worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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