i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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