he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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