Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
