I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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