Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need moral support for this bender
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
