It's like God shit irony all over that family
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
