And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
